Those Moments

Have you ever had those roller coaster days? At some point you have really great moment and you feel wonderful about all that your doing. Then, something mostly unexpected happens and it hurts. (If you're a girl you likely cry. I don't know how guys respond.) And the only option you have is to say, "God, it's yours. If I try to make this better, it won't work. I look to you to make it better. I'm giving this whole situation to you." It's partly out of desperation, partly out of faith, and partly an ultimatum.

Well...that was my today. And God answered in the strangest of ways. He didn't fix the situation. But he reminded me why I'm here. Instead of sitting and sulking and asking why (like I wanted to do) he gave me the opportunity to go out into the community. To talk with people. To meet a high school girl who plays soccer. (Finally a girl who likes soccer!) To remember that people everywhere need the grace and power and love of God. He responded by showing me the big picture. Difficulties come along. And yes, they are hard and require dealing with. But we cannot let them take center stage in our minds, in our hearts. We must always remember the bigger story we are a part of.

I looked to God and he reminded me. He answered my prayer in an unexpected way. Which seems to be his style.

Brazilian Flirtations

Well guys...it happened. I've been asked SEVERAL times if I have a boyfriend. When I say no, people feel compelled to tell me that I will find one in no time at all. They don't seem to understand that I just don't want a boyfriend right now. Some people have even gone as far as to tell me that I will marry a Brazilian man. One of them even thought I would get married before the end of my time here, in two years. It is definitely not normal here to have removed yourself for the romantic realm for a bit. And at this point I don't know the words (literaly, I don't know them in Portuguese) to really explain that I'm not allowed to date for a year, MATUL rules. (Which I'm totall okay with by the way, they have very good reasoning behind it, and I could see myself falling into all the reasons why they made it.)

And, as the cherry on top of these delightful comments, I've already experienced a bit of Brazilian flirting. To be fair, I think this guy is pretty flirtatious in general. He's a schmoozer in the best possible, and Christian, way. I tried my hardest to give the clearest non-verbal cues that I wasn't not okay with it, while not wanting to come off as rude. It's a hard line to walk when you can't speak the language. Our site director had very wise words on this subject when he said that dating in the beginning doesn't really make sense. The kind of person who is attracted to someone they can't communicate with isn't really the kind of person you want to be with in the long run. Good advise, right?! Suffice it to say, I don't think this will be my last experience with this topic. ;)

It's funny though. I was talking wtih a classmate of mine in India and she pointed out something. I had mentioned earlier to her how beautiful people are in Brazil. And they are freaking beautiful! All of them! I think it has something to do with how much they've mixed people of different heritages: Italian, African, German, whichever people group is native to Brazil (I really should know this piece of information), and many more. Anyway, they area all super beautiful. Add that to the fact that this is also a super touchy culture. They kiss on both cheeks everytime you greet someone. Hugs are common place among friends. And there simply is no aversion to touching people. For example, on the bus, no one cares if their leg is touching the leg of the person they don't know who is sittiung next to. They just don't.

So...Super beautiful people + Super touchy culture. Got that. It's a perfect mixture for someone like me. Physical touch is most definitely my love language. And I like beautiful people (really though, who doesn't?). I'm sure there will be plenty of times where I have to tell myself that it's not okay to date someone right now. Maybe just as many as I have to tell other people. ;)

Public Transportation

Have you ever been in a place where you had to take public transportation? And was the system easy or difficult to navigate? Were stops clearly labeled? Did the routes make sense?

That has not been my experience thus far! Public transportation here is crazy. I can barely tell where I am most of the time when I'm on the bus.

The first time Josh and I tried to take the bus by ourselves, we got on the wrong bus, but figured it out within seconds. The bus we wanted (the same number, just going the other direction) happened to be passing by right at that moment. The bus drivers talked to each other and we were able to switch buses easily. Then we ended up getting off the bus too early. Oops. Once we figured that out, we had to wait at the bus stop for another bus to come and take us further.

The next time we tried to take the bus by ourselves, we got on the bus going the wrong direction! But this time we didn't figure it out. Until we reached the very end of the route and we were not anywhere near where we wanted to be. Which we only figured out after a very difficult conversation in broken Portuguese. It didn't help that the part of the city we were in was Rocha Miranda and we wanted to be the part called Rocha. Here's a hint, they aren't anywhere close to each other. Once the bus driver understood where we were trying to go though, he said the best option at that point was just to stay on the bus we'd been on and wait for it to get where we actually wanted to go. We eneded up being on the bus for 2 hours and 15 minutes. And we missed one of our classes in the process. Oh the joys of city life!

Trying to get back home that same day though we did perfectly! We got on the right bus and stayed on it until we actually wanted to get off! Looks like the third time really is the charm.

If I'm being honest though, I blame our host brother for all the problems. Both times we got on the bus going the wrong direction he was with us to make sure we got on the right one. And he said he knew. When he wasn't there Josh and I figured it out. Hahaha, I'm just joking...mostly. He's a great host brother and has been very helpful so far! I've just decided that no one really knows how to navigate this bus system entirely. It's way to huge and confunsing!

Yay for public transit!

The Faithfulness of God {matul}

I

Being in another country is difficult sometimes, for so many reasons. Especially when you know that this is your new reality for two years. So you better get used to it. In many ways the last two weeks have been really difficult. I experience all of my emotions every day. About to break down in tears because I'm so overwhelmed with everything. Really excited about the little thing I just communicated in Portuguese. Frustrated that I don't understand anything. Laughing at the joke that I miraculously understood most of. I'm not used to so many emotions in one day. It's been a little trying on my heart and mind and soul. But I'm getting used to it, and finding a new normal for daily expectations.

However, on the days that end with frustration, or helplessness is taking hold of my heart, I have experienced the incredible faithfulness of God.

II

I bought a book to go through during Lent. I needed a little something extra right around when this season started, and decided this was good idea. It has daily readings, complete with reflections from St. Francis of Assisi and passages to read from the Bible. On the second day of this book, all three of the passages I read were three of my favorite passages of scripture. Each has played an important part in my faith at different times in my life. The timing of it all had to be God, because that day had been mostly overwhelming and on the verge of tears. It was God reminding me of where I'd been in the past, what he'd taught me that brought me to where I am today. If you're curious, go read Deuteronomy 30:11-20, Psalm 51, and Luke 9:22-25.

III.

This past Sunday, in evening church, the pastor preached on a passage in Hebrews. It ended up being a quote from Jeremiah 31. I went and read that chapter and then kept reading onto Jeremiah 32. It's a crazy  chapter. Most if it is about how unfaithful Israel has been, how they've done evil since they arrived in the land God had promised to them. God asked Jeremiah to buy a piece of land from his kinsman, so he did, but then he wanted to know why. You know what God said?

He said [paraphrasing, of course] "I know how awful my chosen people have been to me. They haven't loved me. They've rejected me and worshiped other gods. Basically, they've done everything I said not to do and haven't done anything I've asked them to do. So Babylon is going to come and burn down the city and carry the people away. You bought this piece of property, though, because I will use it as a sign that I will return these rebellious people to this land. They will live here again in peace, buying and selling property as you have done today.

Um...What? I was reading this and was so surprised by God's grace! They don't deserve any of it. And to those who think they do deserve the promises of God, him giving it to these unworthy people is offensive. These people had been just awful to him, and he was still going to treat them with kindness after they'd been exiled for a while.  And then I remembered that I live in this grace every, freaking, day! And even if I have a frustrating couple of days or feel like I'm not doing anything that is worth anything right now as I learn the language, even though I feel like I'm in some kind of exile right now, God is faithful. And he will fulfill his promises to me, no matter what. That is the crazy, scandalous, offensive grace that I live in every day.

IV

And this, this faithfulness in foreign lands, is one of the reasons I am overseas right now. I know this grace. It's the closeness, faithfulness, grace that I experience when I am abroad, serving the Lord. I've known it in Mexico. I've known it in Cambodia. When I think about the times when I have most enjoyed life, it has been in these places, these times. This is one of the reasons I chose to do MATUL, because I feel like I flourish in these environments, however difficult at certain times. Like I was made for this. 

Going Green

I've never been one who is much concerned with recycling and doing things in a way that is good for the environment. Sure, we have limited resources and what not. But I'm really only going to do anything about it if it is easy.  I'll bring my own mug to Starbucks or use re-usable bags at grocery stores (mostly motivated by the $0.10 it saves me; bonus that it helps the environment). Know that I am never going to grow my own food in the backyard (I mean, I'm not even sure HOW this helps the environment.) Mostly, I just don't understand how the environment and pollution really work and I don't really have a desire to know.

So imagine my surprise when I realized how much I cared that Rio is so very NOT a green city. Plastic bags are everywhere. And because you bag your own groceries here, people use far more than I think is necessary, double bagging every bag. There are more cars on the road than LA sometimes. There is trash on every street. And this actually concerned me! I finally have come to appreciate (though I'm not entirely sure how) the environment.

All of this is without conclusion. I know there are a myriad of reasons Rio has not had the opportunity to  focus on the environment yet because it has issues that have far more immediate consequences to deal with. But I noticed. And it surprised me.

Playing Tourist

A few days ago Josh and I played tourist and went to Pão de Açúcar (Sugarloaf Mountain) with one of our housemates, Adilio, playing guide. It's a popular tourist spot for those visiting Brazil. And it was plenty busy with all the tourists in the city for Carnaval. Here are a few pictures of the adventure!

 

You see that little building at the top of that hill/rock thing? That is our final destination! First we had to hike up the hill to the left of it. It was a crazy hard, straight up a rock kind of hike, so I didn't take any pictures of it.  For my APU friends, it was kind of like hiking Garcia Trail, but a little more humid.

This is a picture of the same plaza in the previous picture, but from a slightly different angle, the top of the small rock/hill. 

Josh, me, and Adilio after the crazy hike. Halfway there!

The only way to get to the top of the next hill/rock is via cable car!

I was really excited to go, so I made the boys take an excited picture with me!

The view from the cable car! 

We are up so high!

Our fellow cable car riders!

The view from the top...it really is better. 

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One last little bonus! 

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These guys!

 

These guys were at the top with us! Don't worry, I'm just as curious about what they are wearing as you are. It's apparently pretty common to dress up in the strangest ways for Carnaval. Guys dress up as women, couples dress up as flinstones (there were actually several of these) and these guys put on these skin tight onesies. I just had to share this with you. We were at that same lookout for a while, so I learned that they are definitely American and one of them has watched at least one episode of Glee! I know you wanted all those details. ;-) They were definitely a highlight. You know my love for all things ridiculous!

Bom Dia {matul}

I've gotten a few requests for some basic details of my time in Brazil so far. I'm not always super good at that, but this is my attempt at it anyway. I hope you enjoy!

Comida (food)
Breakfast is usually fresh french bread (pão do francês) with cream cheese and jelly. Oh, and coffee. Can't forget the coffee. :)
Lunch is the big meal over here. It pretty much always includes beans (feijão), rice (arroz), meat (carne), and salad (salada). You might also find potatoes or pasta. Followed by coffee.
Dinner is similar to what you have for lunch. Not to much different. Again, followed by coffee. And likely dessert (sobremesa) as well.

There is no shortage of dairy (leite), carbs, fruits (frutas), vegetables (legumes), protein, or sugar (açúcar) in this place. I have all parts of the nutrition pyramid. The trick is only eat as much as you need, and not more (which can be hard because it is SO delicious).

Língua (language)
I took three weeks of Portuguese lessons before leaving LA. They have proved to be very helpful. Though I still spend most of my time listening and processing. I don't speak much yet. It still takes to long for me to form a thought in order to get it out in the natural flow of conversation. Plus my brain is busying interpreting, so there isn't much space left for, ya know, actually coming up with things to say.

But, I have become a far better listener/interpreter in just a few days. And I've also started to fall in love with this language! It's freakin' beautiful! I can't wait to actually be able to participate more seamlessly.

Casa (home)
As you probably already know, part of the point of being down here is to live in a favela. But when I got here it wasn't quite ready for me yet. Things move slower here. Outside of the kind of work you get paid for, there is very little that operates with any kind of urgency. So, until then I am living with our city facilitator and his wife. He is an American who has been down here for almost 10 years. She is a wonderful Brazilian woman whose father is the director of the seminary we are partnering with while here.

Coisas (things)
Also, this is a picture of all that I brought with me. It weighed a total of 45.6 kgs. I'd like to say I'm proud of myself for only bringing what I need. And I am a little bit. Though, I've already found things that I should have brought and things that I didn't need to bring.

What other specifics do you want to know? I would love to tell you more, I'm just not sure what people are looking for in this area!

Assurance {matul}

I know I made the big announcement several days ago, but I have finally arrived in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil!  It's been a peaceful few days. While waiting for Josh to arrive I've been staying with our contact here in Brazil, Jeremy, and his wife. They are wonderful people, so friendly and inviting, and super helpful!

Already I've had several Brazilians tell me the same thing, "If you are sure this God's call for you, it is good." But always it is preceded about how life in the favelas can sometimes be, well, less than kosher (not their words, though they have the same hesitation in their words).

It's left me with so many questions about how we can be sure of anything? For me it always boils down to this indescribable peace, a feeling that is often hard to remember in times of questioning. However, it's strong enough to make me continue even when I can't remember.

That's where I'm at. My senses on are overload and my mind is tired from having to try so hard to understand anything that is said. But I remember a time of indescribable peace as the first steps toward this journey I've taken. That is where I take refuge when flickers of doubt enter my mind. When I begin to feel unworthy of this call. When my struggle with inadequacy creeps up yet again.

I rest knowing that he has called me here, even if I can't remember what that certainty feels like.