on Home and Leaving

Hi friends! I know I haven't been in this space for a while now. I just couldn't figure out what to write about. Really, what that means is that my life here was going well, because this is a space of processing transition. At least that's the habit I have so far.

I'm preparing to go back to LA soon. 3 weeks. It's weird and crazy and so strange. I spent a year and a half here in Rio. The first nine months were probably the hardest I've ever had. The next nine were so fantastic that it's hard for me to leave now. Someone told me that the more I disliked the culture in the beginning, the more I'd love it in the end. I guess they were right.

But all this transition has gotten me thinking about the word home. I don't like that word, but mostly because I can't tell you where home is or even where it should it be. I've always said there are two types of homes. The one where you currently live (even if it's a hotel for a vacation) and the other one that isn't here but where part of your heart is. Well, I keep leaving my heart all over the world, and I can't quite come to terms with it.

I've noticed in myself that when I tell people I'm going home, I feel like I'm betraying this place that has been home for a year and a half, this place where I learned a new language and became who I am today, this place that made me love it with all that I am after I finally let down my walls. Before coming here, I always divided home between Maui and LA. Maui will always be one of my homes because I grew up there and my parents still live there. But it likely will never be the place I live. LA became home during college almost by accident. When I would study abroad for four months at a time, it became home base because it's just easier (and cheaper) to get to than Maui. I made incredible friends there, found a church community that I love, and fell in love with the specific ways of the city (even though they are frustrating at times as well). Plus, a lot of extended family lives there. LA and Maui, no matter how often I leave them, I know I will always come back.

But Rio, well, it's different. It's too far out of the way to just drop in a for a visit every once in a while. As much as I would like to believe that I will come back and visit, I just don't know. This place will forever hold a piece of my heart, and in that sense I will always consider it home. But it's hard to even think about leaving, because I can't count on the next time I'll be here, and that breaks my heart.

How my time in Brazil has changed by my perception of Beauty

Someone posted this video on facebook the other day. It's about our perception of beauty and how quickly it can be influenced and changed. I bring it up because it's something I've been noticing in myself lately.

You see, in Brazil the beautiful body image is far larger than the one we have in the US. America has somehow gotten to a place where as thin as possible is being glorified (we can blame photoshopped models or whoever, but that's beside the point). I'd heard people say that girls that skinny weren't actually as pretty as the culture made them out to be, but I never saw it myself. You see, growing up I went through a phase of being the fat girl, and at times I still battle that mentality. Thus, skinny was always better.

I've noticed several times recently how skinny American actresses are. I think it comes from the more common body type in Brazil that is fuller. I see this everyday, even on TV. I have become accustomed to this body type, which this video says has changed my understanding of beauty and health.

I don't have anything particularly life-changing to add to the conversation, other than to say I have experienced this changed of perspective over the last year. It's true, this happens. Our perception of beauty is entirely dependent on our culture and what it values. Lets not get wrapped up in a beauty that is fleeting with age and culture and time period.

Guest posting at Godspace!

Today I am honored to be a guest writer over at Godspace, part of the ministry of Muster Seed Associates "a networking hub for Christian imagination and innovation enabling individuals, families and communities of faith to create new forms of spiritual practices, sustainable lifestyles and sustainable communities locally and globally for life in these turbulent times." Enjoy!

Have you ever read a book called Companion to the Poor? It’s about a man’s journey living and preaching in the informal settlements of Manila, Philippines in the 1970-80s. There is one line that continues to resonate with me even years after I read it. I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was an exhortation to recognize the difference between when sin is the cause of poverty and when poverty is the cause of sin.

He gave several examples of what this means, but it’s basically this. There are some people who make bad choices and they end up in poverty because of it. But then there are people who are already living in poverty and chose to sin because they don’t see any other options for their lives.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Continue reading over at Godspace.

Turning Water into Wine and How Mary was an Advocate

There is this story in John 2 when Jesus turns water into wine. It's widely seen as Jesus' first miracle. Now, I'm no biblical scholar, but I've heard enough times from biblical scholars (whether Bible professors or pastors) that running out of wine in this historical context was a big No No. This family was about to be radically in the spotlight, and not in a good way for running out of wine.

What happens then? Mary, Jesus mother, comes to him and asks him to do something about it. And Jesus says no because it wasn't his time. But his mother is insistent, kind of, because she makes sure the servants are still ready to help in her cause. And, as the story goes, Jesus does something about it. He turns water into wine.

There are two things that catch my attention. First, verses 9 and 10, we see the credit for this going to the bridegroom. He is praised for having chosen two choice wines to serve at his wedding. A situation of shame and disgrace is transformed into a situation of praise and congratulations. And Jesus is given no credit. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. As he said earlier, it wasn't his time yet. He was walking in Father's will, but without glory.

I think we can learn from this. Sometimes, when we do things that are motivated by God, it's okay if he isn't given all the glory, because there are appointed times for things.

The second thing I see is the way Mary acted. I'm taking on class on advocacy at the moment, so I'm especially aware of the characteristics of an advocate. I see Mary being an advocate in this story. She comes to Jesus, and petitions for the good of other people. She uses her position, one that gives her more access to the one with power, and uses it to help another person not end up in disgrace.

It can also inform our prayer life, because, when we pray for others, what we often call intercession, it can also be seen as advocacy. I think they are two forms of the same thing, just petitioning different people in power.

Extending My Visa

People standing while they wait, because the 60ish seats
behind me were all full. #policiafederalnogaleao

So, my visa expires in two days. You only have to apply for the extension before it expires, not necessarily be approved, so I'm good as long as I can get it taken care of tomorrow.

But let me tell you! Today marked the fourth time in two weeks that I went to the Federal Police Station in an effort to accomplish this task. The first time I went, they handed me a paper with a list of 11 things that I needed to bring in order to even see the agent that processes the applications. The second time, I arrived after they'd already given out all the appointments for the day (they see a limited number of people each day, no matter what, which I didn't know). The third time I was told I needed proof of my new address, since I'd moved since I registered with them a year ago. Today they told me I need to authenticate (which is kind of like notarize) documents that weren't authenticated. Today was the most frustrating of days. The agent today told me different requirements than the agent who saw me on Tuesday. That bothers me, inconsistency, especially within a government organization where there should be processes and standards in place. (And before you get on me about how that's just the way government organizations work, I do understand that, but I still think it shouldn't be the case.)

So, that has been my week. And it was going pretty well, until today, when I just could be told I needed anything else. But, the authentication has already been procured, and I'm trying not to brood.

Through the whole process, I look at Josh, my classmate here, and say the word "Classic." As in, of course this is the way it's going, why would I expect Brazilian bureaucracy to function any differently. This same kind of inconsistency and long waits has marked every one of our experiences.

Maybe, I want to see the best in the system? The efficient thing it could be? I really don't know. But what I have seen in myself has been a pretty nice reminder. My patience with the process has surprised me a bit. My willingness to talk with strangers and acquaintances while we wait together was surprising. I saw just how far having a good attitude goes to make another person a partner in your efforts (and how a bad attitude can make them your enemy in a matter of seconds).

I have to go back tomorrow, and will hopefully have everything just how they need it.  This process is proving to be more complicated and difficult than getting the visa in the first place. Also, it's a good thing I don't have the kind of responsibilities that require me to be at an office from the hours of 9-5, because I wouldn't have been able to go at all this week!

Book Bingo: Wool

So, because I have so much free time on my hands these days, I decided to play along with my friend Meghan in playing Book Bingo. It gives a little bit of purpose to all the fiction I read... don't judge, I know I have a lot of other things to read, but the fiction keeps me sane! I finally finished my first book, so here is my updated bingo sheet and my short blurb about the book, as needed, according to the rules.

Wool by Hugh Howey was the book I read. It's the first of a dystopian trilogy. Everyone lives in huge underground silos that were equipped with everything needed to sustain life. The heroine, Juliette, was a mechanic who worked to keep the power on in the silo, but then she get's promoted to sheriff, and starts asking the kinds of questions about life in the silo that aren't allowed.

It was a pretty good read overall. I enjoyed the mystery and discovering that happened throughout the book. Some of the action felt a little forced at the end, but I saw where the author was going, and I so I was okay with it. 

Also, not young adult, but I thought it was before I started reading it. Now I'm hooked though, and have to finish the trilogy. 

When I don't know what to write.

So, this is a post about how I don't know what to write. I try to post at least twice a month, as a means of keeping the world updated on how I am doing here in Brazil. My monthly newsletter aims at being about what happens in my day to day life, activities and projects and what not, while this space is more about what is happening in my head and heart.

The last six weeks have really been entirely free school, and four of them were back in the States. I have been doing a lot, and my head and heart haven't had the space to process all of what has been going on. And really, they needed a break. I'm an over-analyzer, so this was a vacation for that part of me as well.

So for now, here are a few pictures I took yesterday on a walk down in the nice part of town. :)