It is more than the ACTS method taught in evangelical Sunday School (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) or the prayers of the church fathers I find in my Book of Common Prayer. It is more than the prayers of the Spirit groaning within me of incomprehensible utterances or the quiet cry of "Lord, I need you" in moments of desperation. Nor is it just the loud clamoring of a congregation praying together, though not in unison.
It is somehow none of these and all of these wrapped into one. If we could somehow put each of these sentiments into one act, that, I suspect would come closer to what the depths of my soul longs for in prayer.
I also have sneaking suspicion that is has something to do with the prayer the Christ gives his disciples in the gospel stories. I have not read many commentaries or heard many explanations of it. But yet again, that which I have heard falls marvelously short of what my soul tells me to expect from the Messiah.
Yet another ache in my soul leads me to think of prayer as more than words in my heart, in my head, or my mouth. That it is more than words, but has something to do with how I live. That somehow prayers are made manifest in the ways we act and choose and exist. That if our prayers and times of communion with the LORD in his presence are not somehow changing how we live, then they are not really prayers at all, but something we do to make ourselves feel better, to mark something off our spiritual checklist.
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Unfortunately, though this, as a theory and idea, comes back to me over and over again in my life, I have yet to do anything about it. I find myself in the same spiritual cycles which never include any alteration in how I pray. I often attribute this to my lack of understand of what prayer really truly is. However, in my heart of hearts, I know it is because I lack discipline to be faithful in figuring out more of this thing called prayer, of discovering the various ways I've to touch it.
I make excuses, all of them, about time and wanting to pray alone (something about where two or three are gathered). I want to pray aloud, because it seems to impact my heart more, but I don't want my chance that I might be heard by someone who is not praying with me. I'm waiting for the right way and the right situation and the right time. But really, those things, if "right" even exists when we're talking about prayer, can only be discovered in practice, not in waiting around for everything to be "right".
