Life Alone

I don't have anything particularly brilliant, insightful, or entertaining to share with you today. It's been a good holiday season, spending time with my extended family. I'm the only one in my apartment and it's been nice. I've gotten to take my time settling in, unpacking and not feeling like my explosion of stuff is annoying or in any else's way. I've cleaned basically the entire apartment. I don't think I've ever cleaned this much in my life. But it's good. It has made this place feel like it's mine and not someone else's house that I'll be living in for the next four months.

What I really wanted to share, though, was about Elijah, you know, from the Bible, 1 Kings. I was reading my bible this morning and I read the classic story of God not being in the wind, earthquake, or fire, but in the gentle whisper. (Technically, it doesn't say that God was in the whisper, but Elijah's reaction would tell us otherwise.)

This time of life has been an interesting one for me. Graduation is quickly approaching and EVERYONE, it seems, is required to ask me what I'm doing after I graduate. I don't know the answer to that question. I don't want to talk about it with people, whose opinions I don't want. I thought going to DC would help me answer all these big life questions, but all it did was give me more.

What Elijah has to do with my life, right, that's my point. Ok, well, I've been waiting for God to show up in an earthquake. I want something big and definitive. It might be crazy, but I'll be so sure of it that it won't matter if it's crazy. Unfortunately, as Elijah's story show's us, God doesn't always act in big earthquake shaping ways. The small whisper that has been spoken to my heart for about a month now is to go to some latin america country for a few years. It's small, gentle, not in any way a sure thing. But what is my faith if I never act in a way that requires it? I'm trusting that this whisper is God, that he will guide my steps down a path he's already prepared for me that I simply cannot see yet. The story of Elijah was just what I needed.

Thank you, God, for giving us your word that it might speak to us just as we need it to. Thank you for the way you whisper to my heart and show it what is right before my rational mind recognizes it. May you continue to grant me a willing heart and spirit to pursue you wherever you take me. I love you, Daddy. Amen.

Cuddle Puddles and In-N-Out

I've been back at APU for almost 24 hours now. It's SO good to be back. With the exception of Shannon (because she doesn't live on campus) I got to see all my absolutely favorite people last night. In classic style, Ems took me to the post-op after we picked up some Taco Bell. Then we went to Katie, Bethany, and Gracie's apartment, my home for a week. Gracie and I talked DC, Katie attacked me when she opened the door, and Bethany scared me as I walked down the hall. They had plans that evening, so I found my way to Alicia, Melissa, Jennie, and Elena's apartment. We talked for awhile, went to dinner at In-N-Out, had a cuddle party of Jennie's bed, and ogled the attractive boys/men (depending on which person you ask) in Prince Caspian. Of course, all of this activity was loud and accompanied with much laughter. Seeing everyone again reminded me how much a part of me this place and these people are.

This morning I went to church at the most amazing place ever, Reality LA. I attended this church all last year and was very sad to leave it when I went to DC. I never realized how good I spoiled I had become at Reality. While no church is perfect, it's minor flaws are easily overlooked when you realize how amazing it really is. Needless to say, it was GOOD to be back. Ironically enough, Tim preached on Isaiah 42:1-4, which deals heavily with the idea of justice. Much of our time in class at ASP was spent discussing this. I always left those classes frustrated and confused, wanting to do avoid the subject at all cost. Tim Chaddick, though, reminded me that are people, even those who are intelligent and educated, that think like I do about the topic of justice. A wonderful message, followed by the kind of worship through music I longed for all semester, made it a spectacular morning.

Now I sit here, my friends all around me studying and writing papers on this weekend before finals week. I haven't anything to do and so I write this blog. I can't quite imagine what this break or next semester will look like or bring to my life, but I'm excited to see what the journey will be like. Instead, I will leave you with the little things in life that bring me joy at APU.

-Sinks with two sides
-Toilets that flush easily
-In-N-Out
-Friends with cars
-Microwaves that work
-Reality LA
-Light switches that go up and down, not sideways
-79 degrees outside
-Laughing so hard my face and stomach hurt
-Freeways that we refer to using "the"

If I'm in the airplane, is it still a shooting star in the night sky that I can make a wish on?

I got in a cab this morning and went to Reagan National Airport. It was kind of surreal. As we were driving over the bridge into Virginia, I was reminded of my first cab ride in the city when I arrive four long months ago. I was a bright-eyed little girl so excited to start a new adventure. It seems like it was just yesterday, and yet so long ago.

This semester was nothing like I expected it to be. I expected to leave with clear direction for my life. I expected to learn more about politics. I thought I’d absolutely love the city and be dying to go back the moment I left. Never in a million years did I expect to form friendships that would last a lifetime. I never would have told you that I’d be learning all about business as a part of international development, or that it would include SO MUCH research. But, alas, God’s plans are always different from the ones I make.

Some of my most memorable and favorite phrases/moments in the semester:
~It’s best not to ask these things.
~The solution is always puppy kisses.
~DINOS!
~Hand hugs
~Everything is binding. (And I mean that in the best way possible.)
~Did you know it’s only the year 2003 in Ethiopia?
~The British
~Paper Cranes
~Having entire conversations about really personal things without ever actually saying anything.
~Business is a part of the solution, not the problem.
~Justice, Shalom, Hope, and Forgiveness
-Including the baby ;-)
-Sin as intruder! Hide your Shalom!
~You know I’m just gonna make it up, right?
~Learning Southern-isms
-Pitch a conniption fit
-A jezebel
-Toboggan, not the sled
-Purple Bike
~“Defeat” and “Sexy” in sign language
~Teenage Dream by the Warbolers of Dalton Academy in Glee
~Chips and Salsa at 2 am
~Cuddle Parties
~Having 3 1/2 roommates, even though I really had 5.
~Coffee, and all that it implies (including Peregrine and Kramers).
~People who respond the way I want them to when I whine.
~How would you define Corporate Social Responsibility? What are your top three take-aways?
~I don’t play that game.
~I just work here.
~Always blame the intern. (But it’s okay, because occasionally the intern will get a gold star.)
~Why isn’t it Hawaii?!?!

I’m leaving this semester glad that it’s done and yet so sad that it’s over. Words fail to express how my heart feels about all that I did this semester, even though I would desperately love to share that with you all. I’ve discovered this semester that words are not my forte, I think in images and feelings. Neither is there some overarching theme that wonderfully expresses my semester (even though I wrote a paper about said overarching theme).

And now a few shout-outs to the people I couldn’t have gotten through the semester without.

Virginia:: Thanks for taking care of me, cuddles, hugs, dinners, and for letting me love you.
Hannah:: Thanks for being from Kentucky and being the closest things I’ve ever found to my sister.
Greg:: Thank you for calling me your friend and knowing how to be mine, even if it made you a little uncomfortable at times.
Jon:: Thanks for being a phenomenal hugger, for giving up high-fives and replacing them with hand-hugs, for our Maine-California/Hawaii agreement, and for making me your sister.
Mandie:: I don’t know what I would have done without you. Thank you for listening and being exactly what I needed.
Apartment 7:: Thanks for letting me be your Kramer, your half-roommate. I couldn’t have survived without you girls, or your microwave.