Okay guys, it's another post that was an online discussion post for my class where we talk about culture learning. What can I say, this teacher asks questions that really make me think and then articulate well. Enjoy!
Let me tell you a little story. So the other day, Josh and I went to our Site Coordinator's house, just for a little rest and to hang out with him and his wife. They teach a free community English class on Saturdays and were telling us about one of the boys in the class. They kept commenting on how strange he was, though they seemed to like him a good deal. Apparently, what made him strange was that he like to spend time at his house instead of going out with his friends everyday. And one day, when his mother forced him to go outside. He walked up the hill their house is on, and stayed at the top, watching the clouds and reading the newspaper. They were in awe at how strange he was. And all I could think about was that those two things sounded absolutely lovely and I wanted to do them. You see, this boy is an introvert. And this story is a perfect example of how Brazilian culture has absolutely no idea what to do with introverts, except to call them strange. So, in my attempts to learn this culture, to fully embrace it, I am faced with the fact that I will forever be considered strange and out of place because I often prefer to spend time by myself.
The double whammy to this is that, though Brazilians are highly relational, most relationships remain at a fairly shallow level, at least how I evaluate relationships. Deep friendships outside of your family seem to be very uncommon. This makes things even more difficult because I can't stand shallow relationships. I honestly don't know how to function in them. So, the way I view my new friendships is very different from the way my Brazilian friends see them. They feel like we are great friends, and I feel like I barely know them. It's a difficult path to navigate, wanting to be equally as excited and committed to a friendship, but also wanting to be honest in how I am engaging people.
According to this article about culture stress, these issues are the causes listed as Temperament and Values, definitely. It manifested in basically all the ways listed under results, except for illness, fear of germs, and distrust of food (but don't worry, Josh covered those, so Team Brazil's got them all covered) :). I was tired and didn't want to get out of bed. I felt helpless. I wanted to move back home. I felt like a failure. I got mad at the culture for not having a way to understand me.
But, don't worry guys, I'm definitely on the way out of all of this. I still have my moments (okay maybe whole days sometimes) but I don't think they are supposed to go away completely. This article says this process can take up to five years. So, ya, I'm totally normal. Some of the ways I've started to deal with it is with a Gratitude Journal, helping me focus on the things that I love and value in this culture and in this experience and place. Also, Josh and I have made a schedule with goals (because I need to have some sense of accomplishment, yay American values) that have been super helpful in motivating me on a daily basis. Also, we've started to actually schedule in real breaks in our life on a weekly and monthly basis. Which, though we've only gone twice, has been super helpful and gone a long way in making me feel like me.
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The one idea from this article that I am kind of struggling with from this article is the idea of Identity. - Identity. Know who you are and what you will allow to be changed about you. Acculturation inherently involves changes in your personality, so determine the unchangeables.
I also think we over-use the idea of being "healthy". Not that it's not valid, but I think maybe we use it as a crutch or an excuse not to change in ways God is asking us to, or to not even consider that God would ever ask us to change in this way. I don't know. I don't have any final thoughts or conclusions on this yet, but I'm pondering these things because I feel like characteristics I've considered to be "unchangeable" about me for a very long time are things God is asking me to change. Your experience confronting what you've held to be true and real will cause you to ponder a bit.
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