on Home and Leaving

Hi friends! I know I haven't been in this space for a while now. I just couldn't figure out what to write about. Really, what that means is that my life here was going well, because this is a space of processing transition. At least that's the habit I have so far.

I'm preparing to go back to LA soon. 3 weeks. It's weird and crazy and so strange. I spent a year and a half here in Rio. The first nine months were probably the hardest I've ever had. The next nine were so fantastic that it's hard for me to leave now. Someone told me that the more I disliked the culture in the beginning, the more I'd love it in the end. I guess they were right.

But all this transition has gotten me thinking about the word home. I don't like that word, but mostly because I can't tell you where home is or even where it should it be. I've always said there are two types of homes. The one where you currently live (even if it's a hotel for a vacation) and the other one that isn't here but where part of your heart is. Well, I keep leaving my heart all over the world, and I can't quite come to terms with it.

I've noticed in myself that when I tell people I'm going home, I feel like I'm betraying this place that has been home for a year and a half, this place where I learned a new language and became who I am today, this place that made me love it with all that I am after I finally let down my walls. Before coming here, I always divided home between Maui and LA. Maui will always be one of my homes because I grew up there and my parents still live there. But it likely will never be the place I live. LA became home during college almost by accident. When I would study abroad for four months at a time, it became home base because it's just easier (and cheaper) to get to than Maui. I made incredible friends there, found a church community that I love, and fell in love with the specific ways of the city (even though they are frustrating at times as well). Plus, a lot of extended family lives there. LA and Maui, no matter how often I leave them, I know I will always come back.

But Rio, well, it's different. It's too far out of the way to just drop in a for a visit every once in a while. As much as I would like to believe that I will come back and visit, I just don't know. This place will forever hold a piece of my heart, and in that sense I will always consider it home. But it's hard to even think about leaving, because I can't count on the next time I'll be here, and that breaks my heart.

How my time in Brazil has changed by my perception of Beauty

Someone posted this video on facebook the other day. It's about our perception of beauty and how quickly it can be influenced and changed. I bring it up because it's something I've been noticing in myself lately.

You see, in Brazil the beautiful body image is far larger than the one we have in the US. America has somehow gotten to a place where as thin as possible is being glorified (we can blame photoshopped models or whoever, but that's beside the point). I'd heard people say that girls that skinny weren't actually as pretty as the culture made them out to be, but I never saw it myself. You see, growing up I went through a phase of being the fat girl, and at times I still battle that mentality. Thus, skinny was always better.

I've noticed several times recently how skinny American actresses are. I think it comes from the more common body type in Brazil that is fuller. I see this everyday, even on TV. I have become accustomed to this body type, which this video says has changed my understanding of beauty and health.

I don't have anything particularly life-changing to add to the conversation, other than to say I have experienced this changed of perspective over the last year. It's true, this happens. Our perception of beauty is entirely dependent on our culture and what it values. Lets not get wrapped up in a beauty that is fleeting with age and culture and time period.

Guest posting at Godspace!

Today I am honored to be a guest writer over at Godspace, part of the ministry of Muster Seed Associates "a networking hub for Christian imagination and innovation enabling individuals, families and communities of faith to create new forms of spiritual practices, sustainable lifestyles and sustainable communities locally and globally for life in these turbulent times." Enjoy!

Have you ever read a book called Companion to the Poor? It’s about a man’s journey living and preaching in the informal settlements of Manila, Philippines in the 1970-80s. There is one line that continues to resonate with me even years after I read it. I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was an exhortation to recognize the difference between when sin is the cause of poverty and when poverty is the cause of sin.

He gave several examples of what this means, but it’s basically this. There are some people who make bad choices and they end up in poverty because of it. But then there are people who are already living in poverty and chose to sin because they don’t see any other options for their lives.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Continue reading over at Godspace.