Wow....I have no idea.

I've been thinking a lot about my future recently. I have no idea what it holds for me. In a year, I'll be done with my undergrad work. Until recently, I'd never actually thought about what my next steps would be. I'd always tell people that I wanted to go into human rights advocacy. But what does that even mean. It's such an ambiguous phrase. But recently I've had some thoughts, and have done some research.

There are various internships I've looked at:
Not For Sale
Sojourners
International Justice Mission
......and these are just a few

These are Masters Programs I've looked at:
Arizona State University: MA in Social Justice & Human Rights
University of Denver: MA in International Human Rights
Mahidol University (Thailand): International Masters in Human Rights
.....again, just a few of the ones I've looked at

I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. Part of me wants to keep looking. But the more I look, the more options I'll have, which only makes deciding that much harder. I don't know what I'm gonna do. And that's scary.

But it's also really exciting at the same time. I have so many options, and there are so many different things I could do. It's an amazing lesson in learning to trust God in all that I do. I hate that everything is about money. I can't help but escape the reality of it. I just want to do what my heart is passionate about and what God is calling me too. Unfortunately, that usually means either going further into debt or making barely enough to live on.

My thoughts have been, intern for a year and then go to grad school. But then I'm still poorer than dirt, taking out more loans to go to grad school, and going into a field that doesn't pay well. I don't know how I'm ever supposed to pay back a loan. I think, before they give you the loan, they should really look into what you plan to do with your life to determine if you'll ever actually be able to pay them back. But I'm actually really glad they don't, because then I wouldn't be getting a college education.