Sometimes I wonder why I keep this thing around. I only seem to write when I don't have ANYTHING else going on. When I look through my past post I realize that writing here seems to be my way of processing in times of transition, when I can't seem to find any purpose in what I'm doing with my life. But as soon as I remember....well....buh-bye blogging.
That seems to be my pattern. If I'm honest with you, that's why I'm returning now. I'm restless and discontent with the status of my life, here and now. I'm ready for the future. Why can't it be now? I know it's because God has bigger things planned for me that I'm not quite ready, that he is still preparing me for.
I'm going to try to find a way to write more consistently. I know I probably have the equivalent of three readers (if I don't post this on fb). So, not many will be impacted by my decision to write more. But from what I can tell, writing is good for me. You know how some people are verbal processors, and others are all in their own heads. Well, I think I need to write. But I don't necessarily need anyone to listen. In fact, I often don't want opinions. It's the process of making my thoughts into something cohesive that I benefit from.
The question I ask myself then is, Why do you share them? Wouldn't you be just as satisfied by keeping a journal that you keep to yourself? And I suppose I might be; I've never really tried it. But something tells me that it wouldn't be the same, that I wouldn't feel the need to be cohesive or truthful. That somehow, the privacy that gives me would actually allow myself to continue in my bubble of safety instead of making me brutally honest with myself. Here I know that those that read (which, again, isn't many...probably from my lack of consistency) will call me out when I'm lying to myself. I need to know that someone else, even if it's just one person, will read what I write. It's like a virtual accountability partner. :)
This is why I write, why I share my musings, however few and far between they might be, with the rest of the world. To keep myself honest in my thinking and processing of life.
Kim I realize you may not entirely care what I write here as you stated above but I'm gonna tell you anyway (plus then you know that someone is reading this). I think this only came to mind as I could relate to the restlessness and ready for the future paragraph you wrote above. As I read that I was also reminded that sometimes we get so caught up in the future that we forget to live in the here and now. We don't see how the little things we do now can be just as impactful (is that a word) on those around us. It could be as simple as just getting to work on time or showing up with a smile. These little things could be the "big things." ~Ashley
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