Waste Your Life

This guy I know (well, kind of, he speaks at APU stuff a lot, but I don't actually know him) named Andrew Gaines said once, "Waste your life getting to know God, doing what he was doing, and praying what he was praying." When I first heard it, I liked it, but I wouldn't have been able to tell you exactly what it meant, aside from the obvious implications. I couldn't have really articulated why he called it a "waste".

It was almost a year ago that I heard him say that, and I think I'm finally starting to understand what he meant.

As I make my way through this semester, I feel bogged down by all that is expected of me. Graduate, do well in your classes, make something of yourself, have a job, maintain relationships with people all over the country and with the new and old friends you have here in Azusa. Too many things to keep track of, if you ask me. The tough part is that, while all of these things are good, and mostly necessary, they leave very little time for what I would much rather be doing: seeking God, spending hours upon hours in his word, listening to him, talking with him, talking about him. I'd so much rather be using all my time to seek him.

I want to "waste" my life on Jesus. Sure, all these things are important for me in order to do what I want to do in the world. But what good is that if I don't really know God? Don't get me wrong, I know God, I have a relationship with him, but I'm no longer satisfied with the shallowness of it. I want to dive so deeply into the character of God that I get lost in the world. That it appears as though I'm "wasting" my life on this Christian thing.

But I don't know how to reconcile what I have to do in order to be effective in what God has called me to (finishing college, for starters) with what I desperate want to do (seeking God above all else without feeling obligated to do other things, i.e. homework).

It's a dilemma I have no idea how to solve.

What's really exciting though, is this new series my church just started. We are going through the book of Hosea. I was so excited before it even started, and I'm ecstatic after the first week. If any of you have read Redeeming Love, it's that kind of radical love story. I think God is going to teach me what it means for him to be my lover through this series. An intimate, passionate love that I haven't really experienced yet. I'm excited.

I'm pretty sure it will only fuel my desire to waste my life on Jesus.